Juggling June

Do you ever feel like this whole work-life balance is a farce? I believe that it doesn’t have to be a constant focus of frustration. Let’s find a reframe, shall we?

Here we sit in month 5 of the COVID-19 pandemic, month 4 of families still living in relative stages of quarantine in the US. Add in protests regarding the injustices and atrocities committed against people of color, the impending and heated Presidential campaign, and flood/hurricane season. Many families are celebrating a sigh of relief as the school year takes a pause for the summer. That breath & head space has now been repurposed for one or more of the aforementioned additions to the social landscape.

Many of my clients are still juggling this new dance between work and life. In truth, this quest for balance includes more than two broad categories. What does “balance” even mean in work-life? Additional stressors can derail our systems & strategies again, swept over with the strong emotions that we are all feeling. Balance is perhaps the wrong quest. It is more of a quest for “flow” - finding that space and time to appreciate these areas of life that have collided as we shelter in place. This flow looks different for each of us.

I read an article on The Conversation that resonated with my thoughts on the unrealistic expectations that we set for "work-life balance". It feels like the balance is a false hope at times. Something always gives. This became especially clear in 2020. fostering a shift from balancing to integrating these areas that overlap feels much more in flow with my needs for boundaries and being present in all aspects. In the article Forget Work-Life Balance - It’s All About Integration in the Age of COVID-19”, Stewart Friedman argues that we need to integrate the aspects of life in ways that facilitate 4-way wins between each of the following 4 aspects: work/school, home/family, community (friends, neighbors, religious or social groups), and self (mind, body, spirit).

Five months in, June still feels like a bit of a juggling act. My kids are grappling with a lack of structure, leaning on external constructs to tether themselves - work and summer school, planning for living arrangements, college orientation, and finally getting back to safely socializing with close friends.“

Going to work” in the home space is becoming routine for many. For others, it has lost its luster and we are now scrambling to make it feel new again. As summer kicks off, working from home for families can be an even bigger challenge - many summer camps and daycares are still closed or are no longer a viable option. I may not have younger children at this season of life, but the need for any age human to find structure is very apparent in our home. Just today, the Professor demonstrated near-perfect executive function as he helped his brother think through his summer class workload for the week.

Not all of the natives are going crazy here in our village. The slow down, in many ways, has been a blessing and a break from the fast lane life that we have been leading. Even in this home, we find the need to continually reflect and assess the work-life quest. My kids have gained a greater appreciation for the work that I do. I have been reminded daily to find a way to seize the moments of joy. Our conversations have been plenty. We have argued and laughed. We have crafted a family vacation plan that everyone is excited about. We have talked about budgets, privilege, exercise, sleep, education, life plans, and big dreams.

Here are 5 strategies that I have found helpful in integrating work with home, community, and self. Spoiler alert: the overarching theme is the importance of boundaries. Setting boundaries around work, weekends, calendars, self care, and running errands offers clarity to all members of the household (even if it is just your pet who is expecting a little help).

Determine your boundaries to better define and integrate work into your life at home.

How can you integrate work into the current circumstances of working at home? For me, I set my calendar and stick to my work hours as best I can. The closed door is a sign that I am unavailable, but even my young adult children sometimes struggle to pay attention to that cue. An open door is an invitation to interact and interrupt me. My breaks now consist of 2 mile walks to clear my head or catch up on a podcast. Some days I can sneak in a quick catchup with friends or family. With 4 drivers in the house, we have found ways to bundle errands and tasks that decrease exposure and also provide an opportunity for one of us to leave the house. #5 has been my strategy ever since I became a working mother, and it still works even in the middle of a pandemic. We are very much out of balance these days, but we are much more skilled at integrating and finding a new flow with each day’s challenges.

What are the silver linings? My biggest silver lining is that I am always “home for dinner”. It took me a few weeks to draw my own boundaries around work hours when we all moved under roof together in March. We learned things as a unit of 5. We had lapses and missteps that led to lessons we carry forward. The one constant in life is change. As Maya Angelou says, “do better when you can”.