Earlier this spring, I read That Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief by Scott Berinato (Harvard Business Review. March 23, 2020). In the article, Berinato recounts open conversation had by staff that centers around the pandemic. Readers are introduced to grief expert David Kessler’s 6th stage of grief and reflections on how the pandemic has created a collective level of grief in society as we face both the uncertainty and the consequences of life during the COVID Times.

The awareness that this uncomfortable feeling inside many of us is a movement through the grief process resonates with me personally as well as my clients. There is still a lack of structure and finality to this pandemic that has rattled many humans who have weathered the storm up to a point. Kessler points out that we are feeling a collective, anticipatory type of grief that is hard for many of us to get our heads around. It is invisible and yet looming. It is where the 6th stage, “Meaning” can help us return to a new center in this uncertain time.

An important message from Kessler is that everyone’s grief cycle is uniquely their own. Some may skip a step or two, others may linger at varying intervals in one or more stages. To move through this type of uncertainty requires a certain level of living in the moment - being present in the here and now. This may explain why so many of my friends and clients with ADHD were less rattled at the beginning of the COIVD Times than others. They were born to live in the now. Many have also lived in what feels like an upside-down world much of their life. As Axle Rose once crooned, “Welcome to the jungle!”

I’ve been paying attention to the waves of emotions that I have had over the last 5 months, and I have come to accept the ride I’m on. I have noticed what I now refer to as the COVID Cycle of Energy. To help bring about awareness for myself and my clients, I’ve developed an overlay of energy that helps queue me to the level of self-care and grace that I require as I move through these big feelings and process the uncertainties of our current times.

Perhaps you might find some useful queues in this for yourself as well. Being mindful of my need for meaning in these uncertain times has helped me not only recognize but also pull myself out of the explosive and exhaustive stages of energy. It has enabled me to move into an adaptive and steadied mindset, focusing forward on the positive opportunities that may present themselves.

Our status quo was rocked this spring by the pandemic, moving many of us through stages of panic, fear, or anger. Adaptive energies can take many forms - the most common for me is that evolution into problem-solving, fight-or-flight mode. For me, this has led to exhaustion in the form of extra naps and shutting down earlier in the day to recover until I hit my stride in the new version of “normal”. Following this new mindset, the successful execution of my days feed into the next stage of positive energy so that I can come back to humming along.

While I never feel that I sit in denial during these times, that moment of disbelief as I am called to transition to the latest data, rules, and expectations of this pandemic is fleeting. As with any practice, these transitions come faster. I have been better able to work through the stages of grief each time the news shifts, each time the period of isolation is extended, and each time an expectation requires a shift. When I notice that out-of-sorts feeling, I come back to simply noticing what I am feeling. Feelings are natural reactions. I can choose to sit with these feelings and thoughts. I can also choose to move through them or set them aside. And when the “status quo” balance gets tipped, I move through them again, with each revolution in the cycle becoming easier to navigate. Like a windmill, I find comfort in knowing that this feeling will pass.

Even outside of COVID, stressful times can lead to fairly predictable energy shifts and emotions as we grieve the loss of our former story. And when that grief is paralyzing, taking the time to pause for the meaning of our latest edition can help us evolve through the next stage. There is comfort in the old adage of “this too, shall pass.” when times feel uncertain for me. Focusing on what I have a choice in and control over provides meaning for my next steps in the evolution.