My colleague Jon Hassall and I have been going full force on our fine-tuning for our presentation at the International Conference on ADHD. As we run through the slides each week, I find myself confronting the “presenter in the mirror” on those days when I’m feeling like a less than stellar partner to Mr. Bigstuff. That little voice in my head eeks out “Who are you to dish out partnership strategies when you are less than receptive to your own husband?” It stops me in my tracks until I add one powerful word to that question. It is only how I feel “today.” That’s usually when I stop the negative self-talk and begin the internal conversation to challenge my limiting belief.

News flash: there is NO such thing as a perfect relationship. Everyone has off moments even in the best of them. There is always, in my humble opinion, room to grow and stay flexible as those relationships change with the seasons. Even the experts have off days. It’s part of the reason we become experts on certain topics, right? We are genuinely curious and want to improve these experiences for ourselves and others. It doesn’t make us imposters. It makes us human. In fact, it often provides an opportunity for us to practice what we preach.

Partners ebb and flow with one another, they cheer you on when you need it most, and they foster growth in one another through open and honest communication. Quite often they are the best person to share your own imposter syndrome moments with - mine will call a spade a spade, and he will gladly squash that imposter right out of my mindset when I’m struggling to let it go. It is one of the reasons we lean into one another when things get rough.

We all have moments of self-doubt. Some days we can foster a reframe with a little positive self-talk. Other days, we may benefit from the added support of a friend, colleague or partner. In my own experience and in my professional practice, I have seen self-doubt rear its ugly head as we question our own capabilities or qualifications. My favorite question to ask the doubter: “How do you know that is true?” It is often the best way to open yourself up to alternative possibilities. In effect, “Prove it!” becomes the challenge to our gremlins. And when you really slide down that rabbit hole of doubt, a follow-up of “What if the opposite were true?” can usually offer your mind that lifeline to climb out of the hole.

If you ever feel like a bit of fraud, you may be experiencing what is referred to as imposter sydrome. Your friends may say you have it all together as a parent and you think to yourself “do they have the right parent?” For others it may be work-related; perhaps your boss pays you a compliment that you think is undeserved. It is the feeling that you somehow do not belong in the role you are playing or deserving of the recognition or accolades bestowed upon you. It might be perfectionism that is getting in the way of positive self-talk or even a skewed self-perception. When you dig a little deeper and ask yourself for an honest assessment, it might be fear that is getting in the way. Fear of failure, criticism, error, etc. is a powerful emotional response - until you challenge it head-on.

The next time you find yourself doubting your own self worth or capabilities, I challenge you to interrupt your thoughts with one question: “How do I know that is true?”

In my own case, this past weekend, it was easier to turn around that initial doubt with a little reality check. And for giggles, I also tattled on myself in a conversation with my partner. What ensued was one of the best fireside chats we have had in a good while. Gremlins vanquished. All is right in the universe once more. Communication wins again.